That's So Canadian Item #6: The War of 1812

If you are reading this and you are Canadian (particularly from Ontario), you know exactly what I mean. If you are American, you are probably wondering a) which war that was, or b) what does that even have to do with Canada?

Don’t worry – I had the exact same thoughts.

The War of 1812 (I believe also known as the French-Indian War) was a battle over northern borders between the newly-formed US and Britain.

[Both sides created military fortifications, which can still be found by dedicated history buffs, on the banks of Lake Ontario. In fact, these forts exist today both in Ontario and New York, a fact little known to those of us not born/raised in Buffalo.]

In any case, did I mention that it was the BRITISH, because Canada was still part of BRITAIN?

My first encounter with the War of 1812 since arriving in Canada was when a coworker sent out a link to some maps provided by Brock University. I shot back with a “what is a brock” email. To which he replied with an encyclopedic account of the victories of General Brock in the war of 1812, and how Canadians list him as the 27th most important historic figure. Did I know that the Canadians burned down the White House?

Since that time, the War of 1812 continues to come up, not simply because of our work in Niagara on the Lake (site of Fort York and other such War of 1812 things). Every time I mention the lack of military/aggressive initiative in Canada, someone shouts out – “War of 1812! We burned down your White House!” And always that complete phrase. Never just, War of 1812. Every time it must include the assertion about the White House. And I must admit, for the first month or so that was kind of an argument ender for me. I mean, how can you come back from that? I can’t even counter that in the US, we learn of this conflict as the French-Indian Wars, because those were the main forces in conflict. I can’t even bring up that our national anthem was inspired by the Battle of New Orleans, the deciding battle of the war. What did the Canadians even “win,” anyway, other than keeping American forces out….? Nothing I would say could have any weight.

UNTIL

A fateful conversation I had with a coworker of mine. We were talking about a coffee mug in the kitchen, the Bytown Chowder and Drum Corps. I remarked how cute it was that it was a Chowder Corps, and this coworker informed me that “Bytown” town is actually Ottawa, his hometown. Did I know why the capital of Canada is in Ottawa, he asked. Actually, I don’t, I admitted. Well, it used to be in Toronto (that’s why we have a big parliamentary hall downtown) but you guys kept coming up here and burning it down. We moved it to Ottawa so that you would leave us alone.

AHA.

SOOOOO. The Canadian capital city is Ottawa, because the Americans burned them out of Toronto. At least we held our ground, Canada. We didn’t go running to move our capital to Florida. I hope you enjoy Ottawa, with its proximity to Quebec and it’s 100 days of sub-zero weather. Now that I have this ace in the hole, I’m willing to entertain your quaint retellings of how Canadian Forces (that’s what they call their army) beat the US in the War of 1812, even though it was actually Britain. And “beat” means “didn’t get crushed by.” I’ll just quietly ask why your capital is in Ottawa, and you’ll have no good answer defense. You just keep talking about the War of 1812. That’s SOOO Canadian.

____________

For more information on this, start with wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Brock
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_1812

That's So Canadian Item #5: Wild Turkey News Items

Ok.

So I was just watching the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company, for those of you who don't parlé), specifically the national news. As expected, it is called CBC The National (see: That's So Canadian Item #1: Endearing Earnesty). While I have a high degree of respect for Canadian journalism in general (Peter Jennings), I managed to catch only the final story tonight. The final ten minutes of the national broadcast (The National broadcast) was dedicated to a story about a wild turkey flying through the front window of a suburban Ottawa home. This is a very dangerous threat to Canadians everywhere, given how many citizens live in wild turkey country.

Now, granted, our national news is not above such things. I know the US news reports on bears falling out of trees, cats finding their ways home, and other such frivolities, but never before have I seen such in-depth coverage of a single-family-wild-animal-encounter that didn't involve death.

Apparently the incident was incited by a beautiful turkey-hen (is that what you call females?) that was hanging around in the back yard. The offending Tom was intrigued, but when he caught his reflection in the window he made a dive straight for the pane glass. The family describes the "explosion and ensuing bedlam" with wide eyes (except for the wordless teenage son) as they relate how they finally captured the turkey -

"we got him pinned under that snow scraper, and my neighbour grabbed a big net he had, I think a salmon net, and wrapped him up. We set him out in the yard, and then he just walked away."

And thus was the turkey incedent ended, but not before the house was sent into turmoil, with fuurniture upturned, shattered glass everywhere, "and even turkey blood on the walls."

"The neighbour, an experienced turkey hunter, says the tom was probably just jealous."

But seriously. They cornered him under the snow scraper? Who has a salmon net just lying around? The neighbour is conveniently an experienced turkey hunter? Now they have turkey blood smeared all over their walls?

Oh, jealous turkey bedlam on national news. That's Sooooo Canadian.

“That’s So Canadian” – Inaugural Installment

Welcome to another great series within the LOLcat blog – “That’s So Canadian”! This is a series where I point out and describe subtle things that make Canada different from the US. And are totally adorable. Here we go!

That’s So Canadian item #4: Kraft Dinner

[note: we’re beginning at four because I’m sure I’ve already condescended to at least three other adorable Canadian things…]

Kraft Dinner is a Canadian phenomenon first introduced to me within a conversation about being an impoverished student. While discussing survival techniques, someone casually mentioned “eating only Kraft Dinner” for six months, to which everyone else nodded knowingly. I said nothing, and filed it away in the “I wonder what the hell they’re talking about” file.

The next night I was watching TV and I saw a commercial for the following product:






That is correct, “Kraft Dinner” is f#*#ing Macaroni and Cheese.

I brought this up the following day at work.

“So, Kraft Dinner, that’s mac and cheese, right?”
“Mac and cheese? What’s mac?”
“Macaroni”
“Oh, yeah, it’s pasta and cheese” [please pronounce the word “paah-sta”]
“So it’s mac and cheese”
“It’s Kraft Dinner.”
“But it’s mac and cheese.”
“It’s Kraft Dinner.”

It’s Kraft Dinner. That’s Sooooooo Canadian.